How do you choose the right person for you?

Firstly let's look at what doesn't seem to work. Most people have tried on-line dating or at least had a look at it. Many people on-line have not been given advice on preparing a profile. They build a profile of themselves as they would like to be perceived. Hence when others meet them they are disappointed when they discover they are not what they said they are.

At Entre Nous we have found that people with the least experience in successfully choosing or even successfully finding any partner have the most definite ideas about what they want in a partner and often the longest shopping list.

The few people who do miss out on meeting Mr/Ms Right are not always the least attractive, overweight or shy. Everyone has something that appeals to others. The overweight or not-as-attractive person most often will have a great personality and the shy person usually has a sweet nature and is a good listener. Once they develop a modicum of confidence they usually attract the right partner.

Those who miss out are the people who are set in their ideas about what they want.

They are usually the ones who want a mirror image of themselves. Because she is strong she says she needs a strong partner, yet a balanced partnership would allow more sensitivity in the relationship and if he is a gentler person he would help to soften her edges.

She says if he is weak I will run roughshod all over him. Yet, people who have been in love know that one does not run roughshod over the person they love.

Below I have listed the 7 male and female personality types with their matching types. You will note that one ideal partnership the Mother and the Brother are very evenly matched both with similar personality types although often the Brother is likely to be more sociable than the Mother.

The other partnership that has similarities is the Sister and the Batchelor. Their personalities are very different, he is introverted and she is an extrovert which he finds exciting. However they both value their independence which makes them similar.

The other five personality type matches are opposite types. What makes them attractive to each other are their similar values. All of them including the Brother and the Mother partnership and the Sister and the Batchelor partnerships have similar values. It's their values that draws them to each other.

Mummy's Girl – Daddy's Boy: Being so manly himself he just adores the little-girl-type who is delicate and feminine. He loves to rescue her, whether it is from her mother, a boss that is too demanding, from all her bills or whatever, it makes him feel even more manly to be able to take care of her. Quite often he may be the rough-diamond who has succeeded in business, while her upbringing has been gentile. He is hoping that her influence will help him to smooth off a few rough edges. He wants her to enhance his social status. Although she is never entirely committed in her own mind, she has been dreaming all her life of being rescued, and who better than a big strong man who dries her tears and is going to solve her problems.

Daddy's Girl – Mummy's Boy: He is attracted to her because she is strong like his mother. The Daddy's Girl often complains, 'Why do I always end up with a wimp?' She attracts him. He listens to her, he understands her need to be well organised and to do things perfectly. Having dealt with his mother for years he knows how to pander to her ego. But the main thing she does not realise at first, is that he does not object if she takes over. Early in the courtship this is fine but later she complains that he leaves her to run the show.

He is not beyond telling the occasional white lie or to sugar-coat, to give the impression that he is more like she would like him to be. Although she complains that he duckshoves his share of responsibility, she enjoys doing things her way; when she comes home after a hard day at the office he is sympathetic and listens to her. He is kindness itself and helps to soften her brittle exterior. He will be successful too if she gives him encouragement and support and perhaps a little push – taking the place of mother.

The Mother – the Brother: Rather than sexy, she is affectionate; he would never make a sexist approach, he wants to be friends first. She likes his straight, open, honest approach and she sees that he would be good father material.

She immediately has a rapport with his altruistic views on life and although at first there may be no sexual attraction, they enjoy common views and so their friendship begins. Threatened by too much glamour, he is attracted to her soft rounded figure and her pretty hair. He admires her practical, down-to-earth, caring nature. She agrees with his attitude that each share the responsibility in a relationship, and that even though she may not be sporty, (whatever his sport), she is prepared to have a go.

The Sister – the Bachelor: She wants, 'a man who is his own person; with opinions of his own who does not need mollycoddling or fussing over. Someone who has it all together'. He meets her criteria and he just adores her lively personality.

He believes that he needs a woman who can provide the joie de vivre – to create a balance. He admires her fierce independence and can see that she will not fence him in, nor intrude into his carefully-guarded privacy. She is not in a hurry to marry and neither is he; she can see that he will not cramp her style, yet he is steady and reliable – comfortable to have around.

The Favourite Aunt – the Playboy: He has all the personality she does not have. Believing he has lived life to the full, he knows women and he wants one he can trust; he is less likely to go for the glamorous types he often chases. Although his social life may be full of zing, he prefers a woman with whom he does not have to share the limelight.

She is a homemaker. Her home is her castle. She is happy behind the scenes and lets him take centre-stage. He will spoil her, flatter her and heap praise on her cooking. She loves his charm and likes the ways he allows her to run the household on her own.

The Flirt – the Baby of the Family: Oh dear, two prima donnas together! Well, they are attracted to each other and each can provide the needs of the other, so what if they do compete for the limelight? He just loves to have a beautiful woman on his arm, even if he does have to keep an eye on her and ward off competition.

At least he is noticed when he is out with this woman. She dazzles him – he is immediately stirred by her sensuality and her magnetic charm. He wants to spoil her, impress her, put her on a pedestal. She just adores to be spoiled, impressed and of course, many of her roles are played from on top of a pedestal. Life together will never be plain sailing, but then think of all the fun they have making up . . .

The Wife – the Workaholic: One thing about the Workaholic, he is usually successful. If she is going to be the dedicated wife it is important for her to choose a man who is prosperous in his career; after all, if she puts her heart and soul into it he has to come up with the goods. She sees his potential. In the 21st century the Wife often works too, however she still manages to put him first above her won career.

He can see that this woman has respect for his priorities and will be supportive. He is so grateful to her for being understanding and taking over as social secretary and hostess so he will reward her generously. She enjoys the rewards but also just loves to take over these responsibilities; it is important to her to feel needed and appreciated and although a divorce is rare amongst this partnership, if she is not appreciated she will surprise everyone and move on.

I am not suggesting that you run around looking for the Mummy's Girl if you are the Dad's Boy, don't worry about it. Just enjoy the people you are meeting. The right person for you is the one that you feel most comfortable with. Some women are looking for "top men" someone with whom they will be impressed; however one does not stay impressed for ever. Being impressed does not necessarily equate with happiness in everyday life. We all get used to our partner.

There are men who think that only the most attractive woman will do. However we get used to looks too. The secret to choosing a partner for life is to choose a person who can provide your long terms needs of good communication, respect, loyalty, honesty, trust, kindness, support, love, affection and warmth.

To find out your personality type: click here
To find out "Are you ready for a relationship?": click here
Books by Rosalind Baker (nee Neville) Dial A Woman, Dial A Man & Dial A Personality: See our books
Questions: See our FAQ

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For more information, please contact:

Rosalind Baker (nee Neville), Principal
Telephone: (03) 9669 6000 or 0402 017 243
Email: rb@entrenous.com.au

Books by Rosalind Baker (nee Neville):
Dial A Woman, Dial A Man & Dial A Personality

Questions: Frequenty Asked Questions