Why Do the Rough, Tough Guys get the Beautiful Women & a Nice Guy like Me Misses Out?

Dear Rosalind
When I go to nightclubs, I notice the beautiful girls go for the used car salesmen or the footballers. I have noticed the used car salesmen and the footballers drinking too much, lying in their teeth, no manners, loud, obnoxious but they still seem to attract women.

My mates are well mannered, not pushy, not loud or obnoxious and yet we never seem to attract women at nightclubs. Do we have to be a bad guy to attract beautiful women?
Wayne ................

Dear Wayne
Attractive young women tell me they have given up going to nightclubs because all they ever meet there are footballers and used car salesmen. Maybe your type of woman, the type who prefers a more conservative man does not go to nightclubs to meet men.

She will go there with a group of friends for a fun night out, but usually she is not expecting to find Mr Right at a nightclub. She probably doesn't want the type of guy who hangs out at nightclubs.
Rosalind

Wayne has brought up an interesting topic that should be thrashed out. Do bad guys get the beautiful girls and nice guys miss out? What is it that these bad guys have that attracts beautiful women?

They are usually pushy, loud, bombastic, powerful, challenging, often splash money around, show offs very out-there, not always truthful, and not very well mannered. Some play hard-to-get with women and this seems to work in their favour.

Wayne should also analyse the beautiful women who are attracted to bad guys. Is it the money they splash around, the power they exude or would Wayne really like one of these girls if he is a 'nice guy'?

Nice guys are usually attracted to women who are also well mannered, can have an intelligent conversation and are seeking qualities like integrity and respect from a guy. I am not sure if the beautiful girls who go for the bad guys are really what Wayne is looking for.

However it is worth looking at what attracts beautiful girls because if Wayne is missing out altogether maybe he could take a lesson from the bad guy's book.

What is it the bad guy has to offer?
In short: money, power and confidence. He usually knows how to dress, is never stuck for a word, knows how and what to order in most situations and he has a thick skin.

Money: The bad guy has money to splash. Good guys are usually careful with their money, don't splash it around unnecessarily. However one mistake good guys make is that when they are saving for a car or a house or a trip they forget to budget for entertainment, yet still want to go out with women.

To attract women you must have an entertainment budget. At Entre Nous introduction agency women usually ask for a guy who "can afford to do the things I do and can afford to go to the same places I go to". Note she is not asking for him to pay for her but to be on an equal financial level.

Some nice guys who are on a tight budget expect her to always pay her way even though he has just eaten at her place or is her guest at a party. He tells her what her share is for the taxi. He takes one bottle of wine to her home for dinner whereas a bad guy would take flowers and a bottle of wine or two bottles – one for the cellar.

The bad guy is never mean.

Power: The bad guy seems powerful. He knows what to order, he has the right outfit for the occasion and he can talk on many subjects. Women are attracted to powerful men more than men with money.

You may wonder, "How am I ever going to be powerful?" Being powerful is easier than having money, good looks or confidence. Anyone can be powerful.

The secret to power is knowledge. Do your homework: find out what are the latest trends in cocktails, the most fashionable food, read up on good manners, ensure your wardrobe is refreshed every year, read the papers
especially the opinion pages and always the editorial.

Confidence: If you have money to spend, look good, know how to behave in company, are reasonably well read and so that you feel powerful you don't need a lecture on how to be confident, you will be. Aha, Wayne would say, "Nice guys feel nervous and that nervousness over-rides one's confidence".

Nervousness is caused by thoughts; the thoughts that are running through your head. There are two important issues here that must be covered to help you avoid nervousness that can kill your confidence.

1 If your imagination runs away with you and you like to imagine taking a beautiful woman home to bed on the first night, of course you will be nervous. Who wouldn't be? Fantasies are lovely but they are also an indulgence and a hindrance.

You cannot afford this indulgence if you want the real thing. When venturing out for a night on the town, imagine you will meet one or two attractive women who will let you buy them a drink. Don't let your thoughts dare to go any further. If you do you will kill your evening with nervousness.

2 If you are a nervous type and always get nervous anyway. Say to yourself: "I am having those rotten nervous thoughts that serve no useful purpose". By recognising them objectively you are not allowing them to control you. If you comment to yourself objectively as soon as you feel nervous, you will find the nervousness will loosen its hold over you quite promptly.

One other feature of the bad guy is his 'thick skin'. The good guy is usually a sensitive person who doesn't have a thick skin. How does one develop a thick skin so that you can take rejection as though it was 'water on a duck's back'? By practise and conditioning.

If you can imagine yourself being cheeky in approaching women and imagine that you will be rejected 9 out of 10 times; knowing that the rejection is inevitable you will soon become practised at accepting rejection without losing your confidence.

A better way for a nice guy to preserve his dignity is to be more subtle. They say that the guy who invites women to bed when he meets them in nightclubs should average one success per hundred invitations.

If, on the other hand, you make pleasant conversation with a woman especially if she is on her own, she is more often than not likely to respond and provided that she doesn't have a boyfriend who has just gone off to get more drinks she may accept a drink from you if you are able to engage her in conversation for about 10 - 20 minutes.

If you can make her laugh she will allow you to buy her a drink in 5 – 10 minutes. Did you know that she is more likely to accept a drink from you if you have listened to her for 10 minutes than if you have danced brilliantly with her for 20 minutes? Women love men who listen.

You are probably better to 'chat women up' in more comfortable environments, sporting or other clubs where there are women who enjoy the same things that you enjoy. That way you can invite them to do something you both enjoy.

A very important point that men seem to forget. If you invite her to go out with you her subconscious mind may travel too far down that track. Yes, you know what I mean.

If, on the other hand, you invite her for a bike ride or a game of tennis , if she refuses she is not refusing you she is refusing the activity so you won't feel rejected BUT here is the important point, if she accepts once she will probably accept again and before you know it you have developed a friendship that could go further with time.

Nice guys are better to make it easy for themselves by avoiding the opportunity to be rejected and take it slowly, one step at a time instead of rushing in bull-at-a-gate style like the bad guy who is used to rejection.

In summary what have you learned from the bad guy? You probably don't want his type of woman anyway but you can attract your own beautiful women with money, power and confidence but in a manner that suits your style better.

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