Love Life?

In the article headlined "LOVE DIARY", Sunday Life Page 17, The Sunday Age, the subheading explains: "We asked four average Australians to record a week in their sex lives.

The details they told former FHYM editor John Bastick proved both disastrous and steamy."

Firstly is the average Australian, a promiscuous journalist, a serial sex predator, or homosexual male who will sleep with almost anyone?

The fourth 'average' woman is a working married mother of a 10 month old son who states: "I don't feel sexy since becoming a mother. I'm too tired." Her husband complains that he is having a year of "no sleep and no sex".

This does not sound unusual for a couple with a first baby even though they have been married for five years.

The reason for the article was that Durex, after a global survey discovered that Australia ranked 16 out of 41 countries for sexual frequency.

While disputing the fact that 3 of these candidate's sex lives were far from average, I can't help asking what is so interesting about the sex life of three losers.

Our sex life is meant to be private although it is not very private when one is sleeping around like these three so-called 'average Australians'. Sex is a one of our greatest gifts from our maker.

"Our sensuality makes us excitingly sensitive to physical delights in the intimate touching of another person's body", according to ethical Professor Lewis B. Smedes in his book titled "SEX".

Smedes states that sensualism is misrepresented as part of sexuality when it isolates physical pleasure in sex as the ultimate rather than part of the joy.

By distorting sexuality into a lust for physical pleasure only - it begins to control one's sexual life. Setting it aside as sensual pleasure it will dominate sexual development.

When this happens we are not involved in our complete set of values and hopes that we seek in order to fulfill our lives in the social scheme of things".

When a person's sex life is dominated by the sensual part, which should be a glorious aspect and not the basic reason for sexuality, everything else in his life is out of kilter.

Smedes states: "Other values in life have no influence on his sexual life because the sensual is cut off from them. Thus life becomes chaotic because sensual pleasure, though it can control a person, can give no direction".

Whether its serial relationships or serial sex one gives away a little of oneself with each sexual encounter that cannot be recaptured. One also gives less of oneself with each new sexual partner. This in turn, when one does fall in love with the person one wants to spend the rest of one's life with, it makes it difficult to give all of oneself because there is not as much to give.

By engaging in serial sexual episodes a person has made it a habit of not giving all of himself. Once he does that he will experience great difficulty in reversing his sexual routine to be able to experience the ultimate that was his 'gift'. He may also have lost even the awareness of this gift.

The other harm caused by serial relationships or serial sex is that one is using another person as an instrument for one's own sexual pleasure, thus robbing her or him of their human dignity.

Unfortunately the serial sexual pleasure seeker is not usually only seeking sexual pleasure but for personal security too. He may be subconsciously seeking reassurance of his own power.

The promiscuous woman wants to know that she is desirable. Whether he champions his insecure ego with his great prowess in bed or she is an easy' lay' both have difficulty in loving probably because they feel they are unworthy to be loved.

Do we want to hear about losers? When our society doesn't condone serial sexual encounters and sexual relationships, maybe our youth of today think it is OK.

Don't they know that one of the main reasons for the high divorce rates is that single people have developed habits whilst single of living with others that are going to influence their relationship in marriage?

Books by Rosalind Baker (nee Neville) Dial A Woman, Dial A Man & Dial A Personality www.entrenous.com.au/books

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For further reading:
Biddulph, Steve and Shaaron, The Making of Love Doubleday:Sydney 2005

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