Most asked questions for the first date?
In society it is etiquette for ladies to have the best chairs and get handed things. In the home the reverse is the case. This is why ladies are more sociable than gentlemen - Virginia Graham.
From our list of the most frequently asked questions:
What do I say on the phone when he rings the first time.
Above all be friendly and courteous. Many men have great difficulty in making that first phone call so make it as easy as possible. Don't interrogate him and don't let him interrogate you. If he starts off by asking you personal questions, suggest you meet. Tell him you would prefer to discuss that sort of thing face to face.
What do I say when I telephone her for the first time?
Be friendly and courteous. Don't interrogate her, the above applies. Arrange for a brief meeting on common ground that is not going to put either of you out. After the first meeting, should either of you feel the association is not worth pursuing, you will be thankful that you avoided wasting time. The first meeting hopefully should leave both parties wanting more.
How do I refuse his initial invitation?
Firstly: Before you do, give him the benefit of the doubt. You can't really judge a person over the telephone. You never know, he might be perfect for your best friend or your sister. Everyone is valuable. You can't marry everyone you meet; he may share similar interests and could have the potential to be just right for joining you in pursuit of one of your interests or hobbies. Having many fotos (friends-of-the-opposite-sex) gives one confidence and its when one is confident that all life's lucky breaks occur.
To answer the question: Be honest, don't lead him on with white lies, it leaves him with the impression that you are not a truthful person. Try, ‘I don't believe we are suited. Thank you, but no thank you. I do hope you find someone special’.
Where should we go?
First meeting places should be given careful consideration.
- Convenient to both parties.
- A venue that is neither intimidating nor too noisy.
- Coffee or a drink rather than an outing or dinner.
- Keep it brief and simple so it is easy to flee, if necessary, after an hour. Yet the time can just an easily be extended. If you go to a movie, you cannot talk.
What will I wear? What you wear is very important. First impressions only happen once and that first impression includes what you are wearing. Wear the clothes that depict the real you. Above all, ensure you are comfortable and feel that you look your best.
- Women: Unless you are asking to be seduced on the first night, never wear seductive clothing.
- Men: If you are not a fashion plate don't let it worry you. If she falls in love with you she will be looking forward to revamping your wardrobe. It is more important that you are clean, neat and that you smell good. Before meeting her, shower and use a deodorant.
What should we talk about? Rule No 1: steer clear of personal issues. The subjects relating to general knowledge, hobbies and interests are endless. Take an interest in his/her hobbies and interests. If you cannot get her/him to talk about their interests talk about yours until he/she feels more relaxed. In Dial A Woman, page 62 provides a list of subjects women enjoy discussing and helpful hints on improving your oral versatility.
Rule No 2: If you are not sure what to say, ask questions but not of a personal nature.
What subjects are taboo? Above all avoid personal matters; the subjects you would not discus with your neighbours or colleagues. Steer clear of intimate details of the collapse of your last relationship or marriage; problems of any kind and especially regarding, money, the children or your health. I stress that nothing is more boring than to hear about previous male or female friends. When talking about someone refer to them as a friend, not as a girlfriend or boyfriend.
What if he asks me about the break-up of my previous relationship? He may only be asking because he has run out of conversation, but even if he is genuinely interested, dismiss the subject until you know him well enough to decide whether you are prepared to reveal your personal business. Let him hear the positive aspects about you first. There are so many subjects to discuss that can be much more interesting and fun.
Who pays? On a first date, especially if a woman does not wish to be under an obligation she should offer to pay. He pays when he extends an invitation that has the potential of leading to a romantic attachment. While a friendship is being established it is best all round if a woman pays her way. If he insists on paying, then she can reciprocate by inviting him to dinner.
It is possible that blondes also prefer gentlemen. Mamie Van Doren.
Chivalry or not? In 1993 both the chivalrous male and the fellow who supports feminist views are accepted. Men: If you intend to open her car door ask her to wait till you do. Let her know your intentions. It also gives her the opportunity to advise you if she would prefer you didn't. Communicate your intentions and be consistent. Women: Wait, give him the chance to use his manners. If you are more independently inclined, tell him so. ‘I prefer to open my door myself thank you’, is all that is necessary.
Should I ask him in for coffee? No. Do not invite strangers into your home late at night. Get to know him first. Some men are like the chameleon, once an opportunity emerges, they develop all the characteristics of an octopus. Leave him wanting more.
It is a gentleman's first duty to remember in the morning who it was he took to bed with him. Dorothy L Sayers. How to say good-night? It is easy, with a compliment i.e.‘ I enjoyed your company. or It was a pleasant evening.’ and shake his hand.
How do I let him know I want to see him again. You do not have to. If you were charming, attentive, interested, accepted his compliments graciously, complimented him with sincerity, made the encounter light and fun and obviously enjoyed yourself he will want to see you again. But if you denigrated others, poured out all your troubles, steered the conversation towards heavy subjects or intensely personal issues I doubt if you will stand a chance.
How do I let him know I don't want to see him again. However you do it be honest. Neither lead him on nor leave him believing that you are not always truthful. ‘Thank you, but no thank you’ and a sweet smile should do. If he wants to know why and you are reluctant to say. Tell him you would have to give his question some thought. Tact consists in knowing how far to go too far.
Should I ring him the day after to thank him or send a note? It is not customary for a woman to thank a man. He should thank her for her company. The exception is when he cooks, then a thank you note is in order. Some women desperately want to telephone or send notes to hurry things on. The best way to expedite matters is to ensure he was charmed by you on the evening – without being too pushy. Although men really enjoy hearing from a woman and receiving invitations they also have a knack of resisting the pressure from an over enthusiastic one. Once you are sure of your ground is the time to throw in the occasional telephone call and invitation, but do not bombard him.
Manners are especially the need of the plain. The pretty can get away with anything. Evelyn Waugh, the Observer, 1962.
Rosalind Neville is the principal of ENTRE NOUS Introduction Service and author of Dial A Woman, Dial A Man and Dial A Personality.